


God Knows I...

by Fangirlingmanaged



Series: God Knows I... [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Civil War, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Hurt Tony, Implied Relationships, Implied Slash, M/M, Steve Feels, Temporary Character Death, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingmanaged/pseuds/Fangirlingmanaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's side doesn't win the war. Tony doesn't want to hurt any more people. Tony's tired.<br/>So, when Cap and Barnes corner him and proceed to beat him into submission, he gives them what he wants. He can lay down and watch the other man crawl over him. He can stop fighting. He can give up his crusade. He can give in. For Steve, he can give anything. Even the only thing keeping him alive.<br/>(Captain America: Civil War got me fucked up.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Knows I...

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [为时已晚](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6829609) by [bluebluebonnet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebluebonnet/pseuds/bluebluebonnet)



> That stupid trailer. These stupid feels. I NEEDED to write something. Hopefully i'll get around to writing Steve's side soon. UGH, MY BABIES...  
> Okay, guys, BEFORE YOU READ ANYTHING BELOW!!  
> There will be a happy ending on this. I'm just like... super excited and twitchy about posting this so I just put it up. I'll be working on Steve's POV soon and it WILL be fixed there. That's why THAT tag isn't used. Sorry if it effs you up though, God knows it did to me.

Tony would be lying if he said he didn’t know how they got here. To the point where they are literally trying to tear each other to pieces. He’d say that everything came crumbling down out of nowhere, as if a rug had been pulled from underneath his feet, but he’d be lying. He knew exactly how and why they landed in this mess. Even if Steve didn’t. The truth was that Tony had always known he’d muck things up with Steve; he’d always known that Steven Grant Rogers was much too good for someone like Anthony Stark. Sooner or later things would come to a head, and Tony would make the sort of decision that Steve wouldn’t approve of.

Really. Tony’s surprised Steve didn’t chuck him off the hellicarrier without the armor after the Ultron debacle. Thought truth be told that might have been a more merciful fate after all the nightmares. The nightmares of the rock, and the chitauri; the nightmares of Clint dying. Of Pietro dying. Of _Steve_ dying.

More than that, though, he’d known that things would fall apart the moment Natasha told the team about Bucky. The moment the Russian super assassin told the team that every time Steve disappeared was to look for his long lost best friend was the moment Tony understood that he would never be able to hold that much of Steve for himself. Someone else already had him. So, yes, he understands how it came to this.

_Power at 78 percent, sir._

Shit, he’s been so distracted thinking about Steve, about what they could have been at some point that he forgot for a minute that there were two super soldiers tearing through the armor. It’s amazing, the amount of damage they’re making, that they’re getting through the armor like it’s aluminum foil rather than the complex ally that’s supposed to protect him. He keeps looking at Steve for a sign that he doesn’t want this either; for a sign that he’s sorry for their relati-friendship to end like this. There’s only righteous determination in his face as he swings the shield to the joints of the armor while Bucky punches his face plate. Everything goes blurry for a second and it’s not because Barnes interfered with the armor.

_He was my friend._

_So was_ I.

Steve’s made his loyalties pretty clear, it seems, and it isn’t until this moment that Tony is realizing there’s nothing to do here. There’s no way to talk sense into Steve because the man already thinks he’s plenty sane enough. It’s not like Tony doesn’t see how Bucky needs to be protected and dealt with in a humane way, but nothing will happen if they carry on this way. Nothing will happen if they tear each other to pieces. So he has to end it. He’s tired of fighting them; all of them.

Steve gives him a shove, and Bucky pushes him up against the wall. Even with the strength from the armor he can’t fight, and maybe the most important part is that he doesn’t want to. He just lets himself be pushed up against the concrete. Buck’s rage is clear in the strength he uses to pin Tony down, in the fact that he’s shaking with it; it’s clear in the way he’s going after the reactor to shut him down once and for all. Steve is protecting Bucky, but that doesn’t mean that Buck isn’t doing the same. In that, at least, Tony can agree with him.

 _Look at me, Steve,_ Tony thinks as he commands the armor to raise the face plate. He can feel Bucky’s fingers digging through the chest plate to his ticking heart below. Steve’s leaning his hands on his knees, sweat pours from beneath his cowl as he squints up at them. Tony catches the surprise that mars Steve’s features as he realizes that he’s staring at Tony’s face rather than the face plate. Sees a quick kaleidoscope of surprise, guilt, and fear as he registers how _not okay_ Tony has been this whole time. The reactor is malfunctioning, he can feel it, the shrapnel begins to move. It’s tearing him inside, and he breaks into a cold sweat.   _It seems like I_ can _lay down and watch the other man crawl over me._

“Buck, that’s enough,” Steve’s voice shakes as he approaches the pair. His friends. Both of them.

“I-“Bucky says through gritted teeth as his fingers dig deeper, and Tony gasps a breath as the metal digs on the outside of his chest and the shrapnel advances inside. “Just. Want. Them. To. Leave. Me. ALONE!” his fist crushes the whole casing.

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice is distant. The wall behind his back getting taller for some—oh, no, he’s just sliding down. Slipping. There’s alarms blaring from the speakers in the suit, but nothing that remotely makes sense. Rhodey has a spare reactor, but he won’t be getting here any time soon. He’s gone. Jarvis is gone. Natasha would be gone by now, too. It just seems fitting that Tony does the same.

There’s footsteps approaching, and Bucky’s panting against him. Deep, angry puffs right in Tony’s ear as the Winter Soldier runs out of steam. Splays his fingers on the suit. Tony just has enough presence of mind to push Bucky back a bit, and meet his eyes. There’s loss and pain in there, too, Tony can see. The way things are going, Tony will be the first to be done for at the hands of Bucky Barnes rather than the Winter Soldier. He’s strangely comforted by that.

“You know how to disappear,” Tony tells him breathlessly, speaking fast and low so Steve won’t hear. Bucky’s eyes flicker up to him, utterly confused. “Help h-him dis-disa-disappear,” Tony manages to wheez out.

“Tony,” Steve chokes out. His hand goes to the reactor, touching it hesitantly, but there’s nothing that he can do. Tony might be able to think of a solution, but his brain is foggy. More than that, though, he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want keep fighting; he doesn’t want to keep hurting people.

“H-hey, S-ste-Steve,” he manages, a trembling smile on his lips. He manages, with the help of his tech, to raise his arm and grab on to Steve’s forearm.

“Hey,” Steve says, eyes filled with tears as they examine the mess that’s Tony’s chest now. Tony can see the desperation and fear in them as Steve begins to realize there’s nothing to do. There’s nothing that can help. “Tony, what do you need me to do? How do we fix it?”

“Steve,” Bucky says quietly beside them. He’s holding on to Tony’s shoulder.

“Not-Nothin’ you can do, Ste’” Tony tells him brokenly. “’S over. Reactor. Casin’ shattered; shr’pnel movin’”

“No!” Steve tells him desperately; his fingers are proving at the mess of broken glass and metal that has become Tony’s chest. Tony doesn’t have the heart to tell him it’s hurting him. “You’re Tony fucking Stark. You don’t roll over like that. You don’t let go like that; you don’t _di-die_ like this.” Steve’s voice cracks several times as he tells him did.

“Paid m’dues,” Tony manages. “Buck can keep ya safe now. World don’ need me ‘nymo’”

“ _I need you.”_ Tony closes his eyes, tries to gather enough strength to look at both of them. He needs Bucky to know that what he’s about to say is important. He needs him to know that he’s sorry. He needs him to know that Steve needs to be protected. He needs… Goddamn it, he needs more time. He barely gets his eyes open, meets Steve’s unreal blue eyes, but can’t make himself say anything. Tries to speak, but all that comes out is a gurgle. Tries to take a breath, but something’s collapsing in his chest. Steve’s blurring at the edges; his touch is fading. Tony can’t see Bucky at his side anymore. Steve’s lips are moving, but he can’t hear anything. Tony’s aware Steve’s still touching him, his hand seems to have moved up to cup his neck, but he can’t feel it. It’s going black; the last point of focus are Steve’s eyes, but…

The last thing that registers is the recorded voice of his old butler. His old friend.

_Good night, Master Stark._


End file.
